H is for Hooligan ... oops, I mean Hypermotard!

Since the Ducati dealership here in OKC didn't have one of the new Hypermotards when I checked a week or so ago (and I was riding in Canada when they had their premiere party back at the end of June), my friend Elaine arranged a test ride for me in Dallas. I wanted to go down there anyway to spend a day riding with Gregger the Alien. We were going to ride our CBRs, but I never got around to mounting a new rear tire on mine this past week. (2,400 miles and the rear tire is shot! Sounds like somebody probably needs to back off the throttle once in a while, doesn't it?) Instead, I hopped on my ZZR1200 Friday afternoon and made one of my patented warp speed assaults on I-35, strafing the DFW metroplex several minutes ahead of the thunderclap generated when I broke the sound barrier. I'm sure the Highway Patrol boys are still puzzling over that one, wondering how they could have possibly missed the opportunity to give me yet another performance award.

Elaine fixed us motorheads an excellent dinner, then it was off to beddy-bye with visions of red-cloaked Italian twins dancing in my little pea brain. Saturday morning, Greg and I were there when the Ducati dealership opened the door.

So what did I think of the Hypermotard? As some of you know, I've been lusting after this svelte Italian beauty since it was first revealed in Milan as a concept bike in 2005. When Ducati shocked the industry by deciding to actually produce the bike (after the unveiling of the one-off concept bike caused such a stir in the moto community), I was already making room in my garage for one, my heart pounding against the inside of my chest with unbridled lust.

Nothing in the test ride diminished that longing. In fact, it was like tossing gasoline on the fire.

With wide-spaced bars and an upright seating position that places you flush with the tank and almost over the front tire, tossing the Hypermotard around felt a lot like I was on my dirtbike -- except the little beast had ten times the traction that my dirtbike has on pavement (ten times the power, too, but we'll get to that in a minute). I can only imagine how well this thing corners once a rider has practice sliding out that rear end, motard-style. Ride it in a purely sportbike manner, and it'll carve corners with the best liter bikes. Power delivery was smooth and instantaneous -- none of the low rpm hesitation that requires me to feather the clutch on my CBR1000RR from a standstill. Probably the best fuel injected tuning I've ever encountered, in fact. It felt like there were more than 90 horses in my fist, which had a lot to do with the fact that the bike weighs nothing and even more to do with the Heavenly sound of that v-twin ... Oh my ... this is how a motorcycle is supposed to sound! (Of course, the test bike I rode was sporting the optional 2-into-1 race exhaust system.) Snap the throttle and the front lofts skyward faster than you can say "pop-a-wheelie," even with the seating position placing the weight bias to the front. Slide your weight back on the surprisingly comfortable seat and all-day wheelies are probably possible even for a sedate, mature rider like myself. The Ducati's brakes were incredible (as good or better than the CBR's, which are damn impressive); no problem standing the bike on its nose (or throwing the unwary or inexperienced rider over the bars). I'm thinking when the stunt community gets their hands on the Hypermotard, we'll see a new level of heart-in-your-throat bravado. I don't know stunts from shinola, of course, and the only time you'll ever see me standing on the seat or with my legs wrapped up over the handlebars is mid-crash, one of those "oh shit" moments that I do my best to avoid at my protracted age, but I can tell you that this bike is the sort of mistress that inspires one to misbehave. Inspire's probably not even the right word here, as this drop-dead-sexy, crimson-cloaked lady is undoubtedly something of a dominatrix. She would demand a fair amount of hooliganism on every ride.

So, did I bring it home with me? Nah, the dealership only had the demo bike, which they're not selling at the moment. The initial demand for these beauties is such that you'll pretty much have to place an order for one. I'm thinking maybe around the end of the year before I fill the new Ducati corner in my garage ... after all, I need to buy a new red helmet and matching gear first. Ha!

After our test rides (Greg also rode a Ducati ST3 that peaked his interest), the Oatmeal Kid and I spent about 5 hours terrorizing the Texas countryside southwest of Fort Worth. The front wheel on the ZZR wouldn't come up nearly as easy as the Hypermotard's. It's hard to be a proper hooligan on a 600 pound sport-touring rig...